PILLAR I · CONSENT LAB
Consent Lab
Five letters, six real moments, and the answer you would give if the mood were not loud. Practise consent against FRIES — Planned Parenthood's five checks — before the moment asks you to.
- SCENARIOS
- 6
- FRIES LETTERS
- 5
- ANSWERED
- 0of 6
- STORED HERE
- 0bytes
THE MODEL
FRIES — five ways to check a yes
Planned Parenthood's consent framework. Any one letter missing and the answer is not yes — it is a question you have not finished asking yet.
Freely given
Yes, and nobody is paying for it — no pressure, guilt, leverage or authority sitting in the room.
FAILS WHEN · “If you loved me you would” · a boss, a grade, a ride home.
Reversible
Any yes can become a no at any point, without a reason, an argument, or a penalty.
FAILS WHEN · “But you said yes earlier” · a no that gets negotiated until it softens.
Informed
Both people know what is actually on the table — the act, the protection, what this is and isn’t.
FAILS WHEN · Assuming they know · letting a convenient wrong impression stand.
Enthusiastic
Both people are actively into it — leaning in, seeking it out, not merely not objecting.
FAILS WHEN · Silence · freezing · going along with it · “I guess we can.”
Specific
Consent is for this act, tonight, with this person — never a licence for whatever comes next.
FAILS WHEN · One yes quietly stretched to cover something that was never asked.
THE SHORT VERSION
A yes that needed convincing was never freely given. A no that needed arguing with was never reversible. Everything below is just those two sentences in six different rooms.
SCENARIO SIMULATOR
Six moments, one response each
Pick what you would actually do — not the answer that looks best. Feedback lands immediately, scored against the letter of FRIES it puts under test.
Third date, their apartment. The evening has been mutual and warm all night — then your hand drifts toward their waistband and they go completely still for a beat.
- THEM
- …
- YOU
- …
Why scenarios, not a lecture
Consent is easy to agree with in the abstract and hard to hold in the moment — that is where it is actually decided. Six rooms, six reflexes: the point is noticing which one you reach for when things are already moving.REFLECTION
Your scorecard
A number is the least interesting part — the useful part is which scenarios you flagged and what that reflex protects you from admitting.
The scorecard unlocks after the last scenario
Six responses, about two minutes. Nobody is grading your character — the number just shows you where momentum is doing your thinking.
SAY IT OUT LOUD
Four lines that do not kill the mood
Check-ins sound scripted in film and confident in real life — because the person asking has already shown they can handle the answer.
MID-SCENE
“Still good? We can stay right here.”
An exit that costs nothing to take — which is what makes the yes mean something.
BEFORE ESCALATING
“I want to kiss your neck — into that?”
A specific ask gets a specific answer instead of a hopeful guess.
YOU READ A PAUSE
“I noticed a pause. Slow down, or stop?”
Names what you saw without accusing anyone of anything.
AFTER
“What did you like? Anything you’d change?”
Turns one night into information you can both use next time.
Enthusiasm is the whole point
Consent is not the price of admission to sex — it is the mechanism that makes sex good. Ask like any answer is fine, mean the “stop”, and treat a pause as a fork rather than an obstacle.
Put the words next to a plan: Foreplay Architect →
Sources & evidence
- Planned Parenthood · The art of consent (FRIES)(opens in a new tab)
- Nagoski · Come As You Are
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