PILLAR L · ATTACHMENT LAB
How you attach, in fifteen questions
Two axes — anxiety and avoidance — and where you land between them. Plain questions, one at a time, a quadrant for the answer, and what it tends to predict the next time you fight.
- ITEMS
- 15
- AXES
- 2A × V
- STYLES
- 4
- STORED HERE
- 0bytes
ONE QUESTION AT A TIME
The quiz
No right answers and no scores to beat — answer as the last three months actually went, not as you’d like them to have gone.
Tab into the options, then use the arrow keys to move your pick — or click. Answer as things have actually been lately.
Why fifteen, not thirty-six
The full inventory runs long and answers best when a person reads it with you. This is the short form: enough items to place you on both axes, short enough to finish on a commute, and blunt enough that you can’t over-think your way into a better result.WHERE YOU LAND
Your result
The quadrant, the two numbers behind it, and the part that matters — what it tends to do to an argument.
No result yet
Answer all 15 items and your position lands here — quadrant, axis scores, strengths, friction and the repair that suits you.
METHOD & LIMITS
How this works
Two axes, fifteen answers, four quadrants — and a short list of what it is allowed to claim.
ANXIETY · THE SIGNAL AXIS
How loud the alarm gets when connection is uncertain: reassurance-seeking, monitoring, the urge to close distance fast. High anxiety is not needy — it is a sensitive detector.
AVOIDANCE · THE DISTANCE AXIS
How much closeness it takes before it stops feeling like a cost: self-reliance, privacy, the urge to reopen space. High avoidance is not cold — it is a nervous system that settles on its own.
SCORING
- Every item is scored 0–1 by how far your pick sits along its own 2–4 option scale.
- Four items are reverse-scored, so agreeing with everything cannot drive both axes at once.
- Each axis is the mean of its items — 8 anxiety, 7 avoidance.
- The midpoint (0.5, 0.5) cuts the map into four quadrants. Yours is the one your dot is in.
WHAT IT CANNOT DO
- It cannot diagnose. Validated attachment instruments run far longer and are read by a person.
- It cannot score one bad morning — a fight before bed moves the number.
- It cannot store anything. Nothing here is written to disk; close the tab and the result is gone.
A tendency, not a verdict
Attachment style is a habit, and habits move with experience — a steady relationship, good therapy, or one honest conversation can shift a quadrant over years. Read this as a description of your current defaults, not a label you carry. Session only: nothing you answer here is saved.Know the pattern but freeze in the moment? Chat Coach works on the words — what to actually send after a fight, or before a first date.
Sources & evidence
- Levine & Heller · Attached
- Gottman · The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Perel · Mating in Captivity
Keep exploring